the popo did what?!?

If you want to learn a lot about the city you've just moved to, get in a car accident with a policeman.  That's what I did, and these are things I've learned in the past few days:

1. You learn the locations of Urgent Cares, tow truck lots, and rental car places, and you meet all sorts of cops, and all sorts of locals.
2. Rental car companies are not good with renting cars immediately.  It flusters them.
3. Rental car companies offer different (read: CHEAPER) rates to insurance companies than they offer to individuals.  They are also willing to negotiate price.  (They also try to tell you such nonsense like, "Minivans are sweet rides."  I'll wait 20 hours for another option, thanks.)
4. It takes at least 24 hours for the police to submit a police report.  And that's if you're lucky enough for the accident to be the fault of an off-duty police officer who was driving his Cop Car.
5. If you get hit by said police officer and it was entirely his fault, the city will pay for everything.  And be very prompt.  And kind.  And anxious to please.  As in the other party's insurance agent will call you about your claim, at 8.30 am the morning after you leave them a voicemail. And bring you cookies with your final check. To your workplace.
6. If said police officer hits you, all his buddies will come by to make fun of him.  As will many locals.  Everyone has a good laugh about it, really.  (Assuming no one got hurt.)
7. For example, I now have met 6 police officers of my fair city.
8. People in general will ask you if a police officer hit you, laugh when you say yes, and assure you that, "gurrrl, you gone get PAID!"
9. There are men who carry around knives that are really closer to being termed "machetes," who have nicknames like "Crocodile" (short for Crocodile Dundee), who will offer their services to poor little women who look more like teenagers.  They may even tell you things like, "The police? They around.  But me?  I'm ALWAYS here.  This my area! You need anything, you let me know; I take care of you.  You need anything?"
10. If police officers offer you a ride home, you take it.  And they will let you ride in the front.  And maybe look at you a little funny when you tell them you're in that city for seminary.  And then proceed to tell you about an article they read about a 20-something woman who recently became a nun.  And then agree with you when you say that's a little intense.
11. It is a lot easier to give your personal information for the police report if you are not moving into your residence a few weeks later, and thus currently living in a friend's house, neither address of which are your permanent residence on your driver's license (that one being in a different state).
12. That whole 'adrenaline/shock from an accident makes you not realize you have pain until a few hours later' thing?  That's not a joke.  That is legit, my friend.  So when they offer you a medic, just say yes.
13. There are multiple cultures in a city.  Sometimes you even hear three different accents (Asian, Hispanic, then South African) when trying to ask for directions to Urgent Care.
14. Don't ask people for directions to Urgent Care.  You may not know where it is, but neither do they.
15. If you go to Urgent Care, and nothing is actually wrong, they'll still give you a free wrap for your wrist!  Yay free stuff!
16. Plus, wearing a wrap on your wrist makes you look, and feel, really cool.
17. If the X-ray technician asks you if there's any chance you could be pregnant, they won't ask you again in disbelief of your answer if you respond emphatically, "Definitely NOT."
18. Living out of your car while you house-sit, because you'd rather not move everything twice--not the most helpful when your car gets towed.

a little Tom time

Usually, I am very bad at growing plants.  Or very good at killing them.  Whichever, really.  But a month or so ago, my parents had a bazillion (ok, really probably 50) tomato plants, and they offered me one.  So I thought, can't hurt to try, right?  ...Sure.  Right.

So I took two, Tom the Tomato...and Jerry.  Here they are:

Clearly, my magic is already at work with Jerry, the one in the Clemson pot.

But the good news is, Tom is doing wonderfully!  After killing Jerry, Tom just flourished.  (How come that was never in the cartoon?  Oh, nevermind.)  Tom is now starting to produce little baby toms, so I just wanted to share:

sweet reading...sweet summertime

The best books, I think, are the ones that make you want to put them down and write something yourself.

I've just started The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and in addition to having a quite delightful title, the whole book itself provides fodder for any book lover who has the time.  (And let's face it...true book lovers always have the time, even when they don't.)

I am already quite taken with this particular book.  And to give you a small taste, here are a few quotes.  Hopefully after sampling, you'll want the whole Pie...

Perhaps there is some secret sort of homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers.  How delightful if that were true.

...

That's what I love about reading:  one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book.  It's geometrically progressive--all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment.

 You see?  How can you not fall in love with this book?  With these words?  With the structuring, the taste of the ideas, with the beauty of their organization?  The way the love of literature is nestled amongst the pages, flowering with imagery that makes you...well, sit down and write, and use words like 'taste', 'nestled,' and 'flowering.'

I thought my first blog post, post-exams, would be about seminary.  I thought it would be a summation of the year, a beginning exploration into what I've learned so far.

It is more appropriate, then, that it is rather about what I love.  Which is seminary, yes.  But it is also reading.  Sweet, relaxing, fulfilling, joyful reading.

growing a new skin

Tonight, I was so lucky to get the chance to hear one of my sweet friends play guitar and sing at a local coffee shop.  (Shameless plug, here:  http://rachelstevener.com/)  She's very talented, so I mean it when I say I was lucky to hear her.

One of her songs, in particular, had a line that struck me:

I asked the sky for sun today, but the sky decided rain was a better way to make things grow.



As I've gone through this year, I've had a lot of sunshine.  But to be honest, I feel a little like the title of that song:  inside out.  Because my attitude actually tends towards the opposite of the one in this line.  What I mean is, I always associate growth with rain.  I see how God has done so much work in my life during the hard times, so much so that I've come to expect those times to be the only times where He teaches me.  When things seem sunny, I'm either wondering what I'm doing wrong, or I'm looking at the sky, searching for the dark clouds that are sure to be rolling in, waiting for the storm to let loose in all its magnificent glory.  And I actually delight in those storms, which is not something I want to lose ahold of.

But thankfully, God has brought me to understand the truth behind the words above: just like actual plants, He uses both rain and sunshine to grow His people.

Let me explain what I mean with a beautiful example from the past few weeks.

I've been working part-time with the campus ministry of RUF this past year.  I've also been in seminary full-time.  This means that I've been very, very busy.  My job with RUF is based on support, but frankly, support-raising with this many constraints on your time is difficult.  So when I got a call a little over two weeks ago that my account with RUF was in deficit, and that I wouldn't get paid if I didn't raise enough to get it back in the positive, I wasn't exactly surprised.  Stressed, frustrated with myself, anxious, despairing...yes.  But not surprised.

So I spent the next two days on the phone with the RUF office in Atlanta, and praying.  Or perhaps arguing, would be more accurate.  Responding in frustration to God, telling Him that now was really not a good time to have to deal with this, between the four papers, five exams, the waiting to hear about a job for next year, the contemplating having to tell my dear students I wouldn't be returning, the deep sadness at leaving RUF, and the deep fear over what my life will look like without it...  I asked God why He would add this stressor to my mind, and how would I find time to raise the amount I needed and still finish all the schoolwork that was due?

And then of course, the following prayer of repentance, and asking God to simply let me respond to this in holiness, to trust Him, and to not completely fall apart.  To submit my anxiety to the truths of His Word.  To give me the strength to follow through with the tasks He'd set before me.

The second of those two days, I sat in a Books-a-Million and calculated out about how much support I'd need to raise in the next two weeks to bring my account back...and it ended up being about $2,000.  So I wrote out some note cards to some supporters, and asked them to pray that God would raise those funds.  ... Two days after that, I found out that the church I grew up in cut me a check for RUF at their meeting earlier in the week.

This means that two days before I had even found out my account was in trouble, a decision was made to send $2,000, the exact amount I needed, to RUF for my support.  Before I even knew I had a problem, God had already taken care of it.

But interestingly enough, He still let me go through the stress and anxiety before showing me the solution.  And I think I've realized why.  Heading into exams, into the end of something I've been involved in for the past seven years, moving to a new town, and starting a new job that I'm so afraid I'll fail at...these will be difficult things.  But with such a mighty proof of His hand on my life, and of His provision for me, my trust has been strengthened so immensely that I'm thankful it's happened.  For now I have something to cling to as I head into the unknown, and face so many stressful and difficult things.

And I also think that God was using this, along with so many other things that have happened in my life this year, to show me that He can grow me through sunshine just as well as rain.  That we can learn as much about Him through the things that make us smile as the ones that make us cry.  For I have certainly learned that yes, God disciplines His children.  He sometimes allows the difficult things to happen to teach us, to admonish us, or to remind us of our need for Him.  But He also delights in His children, and takes pleasure in blessing them with pleasing things.  He showers us with gifts simply because He loves us, and likes us.

And all this sunshine has reminded me of the deep, deep love God has for me, individually, specifically, uniquely.  I've never felt more a part of a love story in my life.  I've never felt more like a delighted little child.  I've never been more content.  I feel like I'm growing a new skin, one that basks in the sun even while yearning for the coolness of rain.  I feel like I've been sending out roots into soil, ones that search for the moisture of rain-soaked dirt, but that now I'm finally allowing the spring to coax me out of the ground like a shoot of green, tentatively spreading forth tender leaves that shyly trace the path of the sun through the skies.  And I don't think I've ever been happier.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow.

a hungering

...but not for games. Yes, I'm speaking of The Hunger Games. If you've not heard of this trilogy, it has become quite popular of late. The first movie came out a few days ago, and I had the chance to see it tonight. But before I give my comments, you should know a few things:

1. This may contain spoilers. I don't know yet, but I'm not going to stop myself if I need them to make my point.

2. I've only read two of the three books. So there could be a final point (in fact, this is probable) that I haven't understood or recognized yet because I haven't gotten to book three. So I very well could finish the trilogy and recant a good half of this post.

Ok, now that I've qualified...

I did not enjoy the Hunger Games movie. The premise of the movie is an overbearing capital city that has stripped the citizens of the country of their rights, of oppression, and the striving for social justice. Every year, in this story, 24 children are placed in an "arena" to fight to the death, televised for the whole country to watch.

Now, neither the book nor the movie is advocating this. The stance of both is clearly one of opposition. But here's the thing: I sat through the movie, and it was so hopeless. Not that it doesn't have a "happy" ending, but...it doesn't. Even the successes throughout the movie are overshadowed with a sense that it doesn't matter, its cost was too great, or something depressing. And while I appreciate the angle the story is trying to take, to encourage us (maybe?) to fight for social justice and what not, I had a hard time sitting through it.

Don't get me wrong, I think social justice is incredibly important. But is turning an important cause into entertainment the best idea? Why do we want these ideas to become commonplace? Why do we want to desensitize ourselves to it? Because honestly, I think that's what's happening. I remember, when I was a kid, I watched the movie Home Alone. And I thought it was horribly graphic and violent.

...um, yup.

Now? The idea of its violence is laughable. I watched a man's face get blown off on a tv show, "blood" splattering the camera glass, and I barely flinched. How many horrific ideas have now become everyday thoughts because we've inserted them into the entertainment industry? We let them enter our ears, our eyes, and our minds. We've become accustom to the way they taste, rolling around in the ever-open mouths of our "Smells Like Teen Spirit" generation.

And I never thought I would write a post like this, honestly, because I definitely believe we need to be "in the world, but not of the world." And that verse says that we do need to be in the world. And that means understanding culture. Being aware of it. And I'm also not trying to cry, with Chicken Little, that the sky is falling. If anything, it's always been falling. I think too often we see the horrific times we live in and selfishly forget that we are not the center of time; history indeed repeats itself.

But I left that movie theater with two emotions rolling under my skin, through my veins: despondency, utter sadness at the thought of the story. And the deepest hunger...for the New Heavens and the New Earth. I don't want to see any more movies like that, because that sin and evil is real. It is all too existent. And it is all too evident in real life. And I'm afraid that if I see a movie in 10 years that is of a similar caliber, I won't respond in the same way. But I don't want to lose an inability to stomach it. I want to keep that hunger for justice and righteousness, and ultimately, for the reign of the One who will bring it.

the difficulties of grace

*This post is not a post about Grace, the woman previously blogged about who attends my seminary, but rather about the actual theological concept.

I don't know how to respond to grace. Or I guess I do, but I can't ever seem to give grace the appropriate response. I'm not really talking about the big picture here (although perhaps the trouble finds its way there as well), but the everyday gifts, both big and small. Like the times when you do something legitimately wrong, and you know you've messed it up, and you know you deserve the consequences, and you're almost relieved that you'll receive those consequences. And you feel guilt. And shame, deep shame.

And then the other party involved (for there's almost always a second party) goes and throws a whole wrench into the process and gives you grace. Grace beyond measure.

...

Why is this the moment when the real freak out begins?

...

I'm realizing, right now as I type, that maybe the beginning of the answer is when I mentioned the word relief, above. Why do we really feel relieved to accept the consequences of our actions? Maybe it's because I can pay for the wrong. I can earn my way back. I assume the cost on myself, and therefore I'm not in debt to anyone, I don't need the payment of anyone else, and I still retain independence and control over the trajectory of my life.

Accepting grace is hard.

Because it's an act of humility, an act of submission. Because it's a confrontation with sin, and one you have to admit you've lost, at that. And to add insult to injury, you're not even allowed to try and fix it. Because if you did...you wouldn't realize you need people.

Who knew? Well, Jesus.

Yes, that's the Sunday School answer. But it's also true, and that's pretty significant. Because when Jesus prayed the 'high priestly prayer' in John 17, he asked God that believers, both present and future, would be one, as he and the Father are one (vv. 20-21). Christ prayed that we'd live as one, and we can't do that when we don't joyfully accept grace from our fellow believers.

glory(ous)

I have a pre-released copy of Matthew Perryman Jones' new cd (coming out in less than a month now), and I have fallen in love with the final song. I don't even know the name of it, because there's no information up yet about the actual cd, nor is there a recording anywhere yet for you to hear it (which is more than half the beauty of it), but I've included the lyrics here. Because it is simply glorious. And I haven't heard anything in quite some time that makes me yearn for Heaven quite like this song. If you see me on a regular basis, you should seriously consider asking me if you can snatch a listen.

Enjoy.

Into the land of the living

Black bleeds orange, into blue

I am coming to life

Light is breaking through

I can hear the bells in the city

Across the ancient shore

I am ready to fight

Let down the scarlet cord

It's time to shed this masquerade

Oh, you cannot love in moderation

You're dancing with your dead man's bones

Lay your soul on the threshing floor

Between the walls and the river

Shoulders bear the sacred stones

We made it alive

We're not alone

Kiss the ground and change your name

No, you cannot love in moderation

You're dancing with your dead man's bones

Lay your soul on the threshing floor

I heard the distant battle drum

Mocking birds spoke in tongues

Longing for the day to come,

I set my face, forsook my fears

I saw the city through my tears

The darkness will soon disappear,

Be swallowed by the sun...

I am coming home.

I am coming home.

I am coming home.

I am coming home...