the difficulties of grace

*This post is not a post about Grace, the woman previously blogged about who attends my seminary, but rather about the actual theological concept.

I don't know how to respond to grace. Or I guess I do, but I can't ever seem to give grace the appropriate response. I'm not really talking about the big picture here (although perhaps the trouble finds its way there as well), but the everyday gifts, both big and small. Like the times when you do something legitimately wrong, and you know you've messed it up, and you know you deserve the consequences, and you're almost relieved that you'll receive those consequences. And you feel guilt. And shame, deep shame.

And then the other party involved (for there's almost always a second party) goes and throws a whole wrench into the process and gives you grace. Grace beyond measure.

...

Why is this the moment when the real freak out begins?

...

I'm realizing, right now as I type, that maybe the beginning of the answer is when I mentioned the word relief, above. Why do we really feel relieved to accept the consequences of our actions? Maybe it's because I can pay for the wrong. I can earn my way back. I assume the cost on myself, and therefore I'm not in debt to anyone, I don't need the payment of anyone else, and I still retain independence and control over the trajectory of my life.

Accepting grace is hard.

Because it's an act of humility, an act of submission. Because it's a confrontation with sin, and one you have to admit you've lost, at that. And to add insult to injury, you're not even allowed to try and fix it. Because if you did...you wouldn't realize you need people.

Who knew? Well, Jesus.

Yes, that's the Sunday School answer. But it's also true, and that's pretty significant. Because when Jesus prayed the 'high priestly prayer' in John 17, he asked God that believers, both present and future, would be one, as he and the Father are one (vv. 20-21). Christ prayed that we'd live as one, and we can't do that when we don't joyfully accept grace from our fellow believers.