unexpected is an understatement

Usually when I traverse to South Carolina, the place where I spent the first 22 years of my life, I am quite sad to leave. When it’s been your home for that long, something just feels innately right about being there. This feeling exists in the exact shade of blue sky, the look of the pines that line the interstate, the familiar road names, the staple restaurants, not to mention all the memories that accompany those sights.

And yet for the first time, maybe ever, I didn’t feel a sense of loss in driving across the state line into Georgia today. (Except for maybe the sense of loss upon realizing there was no sense of loss…) And it was just another of the many ways that God has surprised me these past few days. It’s best described in the lyrics of a song that I don’t know the author of, nor do I know its name. (A dear friend put it on a mixed cd she gave me freshman year of college, and I have searched in vain for the song on the internet. Clearly technology isn’t everything.) The lyrics go as follows:

City lights, they feel like home

I feel like I belong

So far from the southern dream I knew, I love

…

I know that it’s perfect here.

When that song came on as I was driving into Huntsville (literally, the timing was perfect), I realized that as I was singing along, the words were ringing true in my heart. Which, for any of you who know me and have talked to me in the past year, you understand how significant this is.

But here’s the thing. …It really is true. As I have worked into the second and final year of the internship, I’ve realized that Huntsville finally feels a little like home. It’s definitely been a rocky road to get to this point, but God has graciously allowed me to reach it. Not that I expect it to be permanent, but there’s beauty in it all the same. And I don’t mention its temporary nature to be pessimistic, but simply to say that the joy of it isn’t in the length of duration, but in the existence of it. In other words, I will still be able to rejoice in it when it is no longer there (whether because I am homesick for SC, because I have moved away again, or something else unbeknownst to me). God never has to grant us that feeling of belonging to a geographical location, to a particular community. It’s not something He promises us. It is a gift of His free grace, much like many other things as small as the shape of one’s toes and as large as one’s eternal status.

I suppose what I mean to express here is gratefulness. And repentance. I have spent many of the past few days complaining about various aspects of my life. I have heard my own selfishness drip off my tongue. God has graciously allowed me to hear it, and to have a desire to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I have been frustrated and angry with my circumstances. God has graciously provided for those circumstances and allowed me to see the beauty of things I enjoyed in the midst of their turmoil. He gave me rest when I needed it, and He gave me a desire to return to work, to be a part of His kingdom growth. And these were no small feats. In the midst of my failures, God has again given me grace, and He has also given me the courage to stand upon the righteousness He has imputed to me. And I can think of no other place I’d rather be…it really is perfect here.